:@

It's so frustrating to think of titles for blogs.. I mean, if it's just a blog, it's kinda like your journal, right? So why does it need a name?! *grumbles*
I realize I've been putting up only article-ey stuff up here, and in that case this won't qualify for a blog, would it? So I'm gonne BLOG now.

I got back from Tenali last evening. It was an AWESOME trip. I'm gonna blog about it soon.. it's gonna be like.. thirty pages long. :) I couldn't've asked for more. Well, I CAN, but I won't. It's not OK if you have an imagination fuelled by paranoia alone, you need to exercise self-control.


..Yeah right. Me saying that is like Suneha saying she thinks non-vegetarians are kind people (:!)
What I'm getting at is this -- I slipped up today. My so called self-control, something I've been trying to master for a year now, gave way today. I got ALARMINGLY frustrated, for a really inconsequential thing, that didn't even concern me, but concerned someone I loved, and no surprises, I yelled. Lasted a second. I swear to God. And I cooled down in less than that. But I think I'm gonna regret it for a while now..

You know, for someone who's been thinking that she's become a stone, this is a HUGE sign, don't you think? There's a lesson to be learnt from this, I think.

Curbing your emotions is wrong.
Not letting yourself feel what the situation demands of you is wrong.
Building walls around you is wrong.
Stopping yourself from reacting is wrong.
Actually, in short, EVERYTHING I've been doing is wrong.
I've been playing with myself like I'm some sort of toy, and it has led to this.
A breaking point.


But I DON'T WANT TO LET DOWN MY WALLS!!
I DON'T WANT TO FEEL EVERYTHING AND FEEL FOR EVERYTHING/ONE LIKE I USED TO!
I DON'T NEED TO!

I can't afford to..

..I don't want to.