Conversation.

Hello!
No, I am NOT fine, actually.
Why, yes, I DO feel depressed!
What's that? Self-hate? YOU BET!
Yes, yes, I DO see through you. I do see through the words you say; I do see into your mind, and what you're REALLY saying in there.
I DO find you a little stupid, yes.
No, it's not a superiority complex. Nope. It's a screwed up mid-value between extreme superiority complex and the lowest of self-esteem.
Yes, I know, you think I'm a freak. In more than one way, right? Yeah.
But you know what?
I don't think I care.
At least, I SHOULDN'T care.
Even though I do, a little bit.
Well, maybe MORE than a little bit.
Maybe the fact that there's only one person I can be myself with bothers me.
Maybe I care that everyone seems to be repelled by me.
Maybe I care when you're hitting on all my friends, when I'M in the same room trying to pretend nothing's happening.
Maybe I care a bit that you all find me to be as invisible as I imagine myself to be, if not more.
MAYBE I care WAY too much than I ought to.
Considering you don't care at all, I mean.
How screwed up is that?
*I* know you don't care, *YOU* know you don't care, then why must *I* care??
Yes. You are right, of course.
It's ALL because I'm such a SUCKER for niceness.
Show me even the littlest of courtesy, and I'll be all over you like an over excited dog.
GRINNING like an idiot, to boot.

I HATE the way I grin.
My whole face just LIGHTS up as if my very existence just got upgraded to first class when I see someone who shows even a single iota of what I seem to find to be "genuine" niceness.
I can't help it.

I'm a sucker.