You know what I do these days?
I wake up and walk straight to the dressing room, and stare at my face for a sec in the mirror, then get on top of the weighing machine, and check my weight, and make pouty faces at the mirror.
'Pouty' is not in this thing's dictionary. But 'potty', is. Dicky dictionary. Whoa 'dicky' is also not there. But it's a word. Google it.
You know, sometimes - quite often, these days - I catch myself thinking.. well, you know. Normally. Like how other people would think, presumably. You know? And because I always thought I thought different from others - grammar fail - I think I like this new thing. Of thinking out a normal life for me. You know. College. Marriage. Babies. I never did talk about it here, but those of you who read this blog know what it is anyway - you know, that thing that deeply unsettled me? That my mum said? Sometimes I think I've been MADE to live like that. And I know all the Be Yourself and You Are What You Are hoo-ha; still. I think we are what we are made to be.
Gosh. That sounds like I'm living in a dictatorship. I'm not, really. I'm not.
Gosh. I like that word. Saying it makes me feel pretty. And English.
Gosh I really don't know. And I really don't know why not knowing is a bad thing, per se, because I've not-known a LOT of things up till this stage in my life, and I've got on perfectly by. But now suddenly, everybody wants you to know. Everybody wants to know whether you know. You know? And I'm like.. I don't know. At least I've stopped feeling like I've let them down when I say "I don't know". An improvement, I suppose. I'm going to post this, and then never read this again. It's too depressing. *i*'m too depressing, sometimes. But if I said that myself, I wouldn't exactly be likeable now, would I? And everybody wants to be likeable.
"Sraiyanti has still not resumed blogging."
Someone once told me that "I don't know" is the most beautiful, pure thing a person could say.
ReplyDeleteI like your blog, your personality, you, yadda yadda yadda.
You go girl.
Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
Lovingly,
Delaney
You're likable despite your tendency to depress. It's not even a tendency to depress really. What you speak is what you feel. And what you feel is true. The truth. Did I say speak? I meant write. Did I say say? I meant write. Hahahaha. Anyway what I mean to say-write is that you say-write the truth. And that's Nice. That's Fine. :P
ReplyDeleteCan I quote you, please? "You're likable [I didn't know how to spell "likable" until right now] despite your tendency to depress". That is actually a really beautiful, well-written sentence.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, what I feel isn't true to everyone. It's true to me. Which is why it works.
Thank you, by the way
You aren't hurting anyone by saying 'I don't know', it takes a loot of courage and conviction to say that, and you are the most honest and amazing person I know.
ReplyDeleteYou'll figure it out.
And even if you don't.. we live as long as we do only to screw up.
= )