NOW BEFORE YOU LAUGH AT THE LUDICROUSNESS OF THIS JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND BEAR IN MIND THAT I AM A VERY VERY INSECURE PERSON, OKAY????????????????
If I remember right, it said that I could do anything I wanted and be absolutely perfect at it, but nothing would ever reflect my soul. OBVIOUSLY I freaked out and made Sraiyan take it, and HER result was that she was heartless. The way the results were worded convinced us COMPLETELY as to their credibility because we knew, deep down, that they did have a ring of truth to them. I think that's when the whole I-can-do-anything-I-want-but-what-DO-I-want-I-don't-want-ANYTHING-I-don't-know-ANYTHING phase started. And since then, there has proverbially been no looking back. ON with the self-doubt and lack of faith and apprehension and misery and lack of self-confidence and everything else imaginable - I did imagine, I did. It's all I do now. Imagine how it could be, how it would be, how it will be - and that just turns out to be enough for me. Just thinking and imagining and not exactly living it out. Because I already know, in my mind, how it would be. My mind thinks it knows everything. I just listen to it, most of the time. It sure acts like it knows everything. If you know what I mean. Even before I can fully grasp what the situation at hand is, my mind has it all worked out. It's kind of taking over my life. Wouldn't you say?
I don't know if I've posted this before already; it's something I wrote months ago:
You hold my intrigue, but to have me whole
my mind is what you should hold
in your arms; and never let go
for therein lie my heart and soul.
In this context, that actually sounds kind of eerie and depressing. Doesn't it?
God. Sometimes, even my mind cannot explain away the impending reality that I try and live through every day.
I want to be friends with your mind.
ReplyDeleteTrust me, it's kind of a bossy bitch.
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