~
It was a humid, sweltering day. The skies were overshadowed by moody clouds, just as how her eyes had clouded over with moody thoughts. Cranky and cantankerous, she could hardly wait to get to the cool silence of her locked room and strip off her shapeless clothes.
She had become even more of a contradiction than she was before. Eighteen and already tired of life. Her future spanned out in front of her like an endless expanse of barren land - a cold and deserted stretch of the Gobi desert, unexciting and useless. She has no idea what she is doing, or why, or where she hoped to be by doing the things she was doing. She could not bring herself to live more than a day at a time. It was important for her now more than ever to do things her way, and more specifically, at her own pace.
Is this how girls like her show defiance? By refusing to acknowledge change? Because they know of the futileness of their perceptions and premises? Is that why she is the way she is now?
She used to at least feel beautiful inside. And that, she realised now, brought her a greater level of happiness than feeling beautiful on the outside did. For even though she is assured of her attractiveness now, she is insecure about her personality and how she is inside. And that I feel is affecting her entire beauty quotient. So on a scale of 10 she is probably a 3 now, whereas earlier she was definitely at least a 6.
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