I am doing Mathematics. I KNOW you think I'll be amazing at Literature, and frankly, I don't begrudge you that opinion, but DUDE. IT'S MY LIFE. I know, I know you probably have my best interest in mind and all of that. But you telling me again and again to 'follow my passion' and all of that is NOT HELPING ME! I live in a real world, and in the real world, sadly, people don't care if you're good at writing. In the real world, people care about how much money you make. It's true. It defies my every fundamental belief, but again, nobody cares about that in the real world. I don't even know what I want, ok? I'm seventeen years old. My life is not going to "start from now on" ok? I've been LIVING my life for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS! AND I LOVE IT! Tell me. How can my life change so soon? What's there to change? I will still breathe, I will still live, won't I? It's not like, just because I go to college I'll turn into some super hybrid version of me - half Shrija, half awesome adult of the worldly ways. The other day, I was cribbing about how I can't eat spicy Andhra food any more cuz of my whole health issue, and I was like "How can you expect a full blown Andhra woman like me-" and my father goes "Lady!" and my mum went "GIRL!" which kind of pretty much settles it that whatever I do, I'll always be a little girl. I never thought it'd be this way with me. I'm not exactly a girl in the first place, you know? And only now I'm starting to discover that side to me, you know what I'm saying? God, this is all sounding so corny. Forgive me for my incoherence yet again but I NEED someone to understand. Because I don't understand myself!
Nothing. All of that ^ there. Nothingness. I wrote a whole huge para and it conveys nothing. Maybe I should go into the ad business? Marketing?
I don't know. And I'm quite happy not knowing. But when people ask me, I don't want to tell them that. I just want people to talk to me and not my college-going self. You know what I'm saying? How hard is it to look at me and talk to me? Just me? I may not be amazingly clever or witty or smart, but I can carry out a decent conversation, you know? I can talk about some pretty interesting stuff. All my life, I've had so many interesting things happen to me. I promise I'll make you enjoy talking to me. But first, you'll have to see me. See me. Not what I will be, not what I need to be.
Nothing.
Nothing.
I get what you mean. But at this stage in your life right now, adults kind of steer you towards what they want you to be and they kind of address you in that manner, if that makes sense. And your peers aren't much help cos they're 'stuck' in the same halfway point that you are. It's a tricky time because people expect you to make big decisions now that can potentially shape your life from here on out.
ReplyDeleteYou've just got to stick to your guns and do what YOU want with your life. Don't say 'no' to everyones advice either, they're just trying to help you, but just let them remember it's your life and ultimately, it's your call.
Hope that helped.
Yeah, it did, thanks :)
ReplyDeleteI don't have any guns to stick to, per se. Which might be a little unbelievable but it's how I feel it is. I just want this all to get over, but I'm sure that's not the attitude with which I should be approaching this. If I had my way, I'd just walk into every college in the world and sit in one class each day. :P I'm that undecided.
Oh well. We'll know soon enough what happens. Thanks for making sense of all that mumbling.
I went through something just like this a couple of months ago..just taking some time out to think things through really helped..try it :D
ReplyDeleteI'm in my late twenties and still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have goals that I want to accomplish, but nothing I want my life to be defined by. I especially don't want to be known for a career or job I had.
ReplyDeleteDo what makes you happy, do what you feel like doing. It's your life to live and enjoy, so do it your way. :)
Also remember you're never to old to try new things. There are many cases of this happening successfully.
What you feel is totally normal :) and you don't need to worry. You and intelligent and driven and that's all you need.
ReplyDeleteJust choose a broad field of study that you want to choose from, keeping science one side- and pretty much everything else to another.
If you study science ( for example medicine, engineering etc ) you will, of course need the specialized education, but for going into fields like marketing and advertising, it's aptitude and experience that counts. I have seen engineers,accountants and people with human resource degrees make it big in marketing and advertising, in this field 'classroom learning' matters little.
So, choose a broad field, and go with the flow :)im sure you'll figure something out soon.
Finally. Someone who i can totally relate to. Seeing that both of us are going through the same things and the above comments maybe we are normal after all. I thank your blog for making me realise that :p
ReplyDeletebut seriously it does get annoying when the first thing a person asks u is 'what are u planning to do next year' or whatever. i hate planning. coz i feel like i ll ruin it by overthinking.. or just plain mess it up by going in the wrong direction.
im doing my A levels with Science subs. I ve always wanted to major in e lit or psychology but my family wants to make me a doctor. I have plenty of cousins in MBBS and i KNOW that i dont want to do it. Yet i will be doing it. sigh.
MONEY IS IMPORTANT. sometimes more than what you love.
ReplyDelete(i agree with Smokey_Cat's comment)
Kindros - I think I might like to be defined by actions, but I will need to have planned them out and executed them to perfection. And they'll need to be completely mine, and not influenced by anybody else. Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteSmokes - You think I'm intelligent and driven? *DIES* THANK YOU!!!! Yes, that is what I'm going to be doing.
I've opted out of science but I don't know what I've opted into. *sigh*
Abeer - THAT'S EXACTLY IT! I feel like I might jinx it if I plan it all out, and besides, what if I stick to my plan and later realise that something else AMAZING could have happened? There is no scarcity of wonder and amazingness in this world.
I wanted to do Litt too but I won't be doing it. We'll stick to our blogs and writing anyway, Abeer, won't we? We must. And we must read, and we must write. And we must learn to accept life the way it turns out for us, irrespective of what we might visualize it to be.
Furrz - :O The way you said it, baldly, like that.
But you know, I suppose you're right. Love can't buy you happiness, but money can. Because love can't buy you anything, whereas money can at least try.