This is a little hard for me to talk about.

Do you think I'm unappreciative? I try to be nice to everybody, you know. I never, ever want to intentionally hurt anybody. ANYBODY. But there's a WHOLE LOT OF DIFFERENCE between being nice and trying to be that way. Isn't there? I don't know.

I've been told that I hurt people unintentionally. And lately, ever since I learnt about this, I've been hyper-aware of what I say/do, and I noticed that all those people that said that I unintentionally hurt people, they're RIGHT. It's like, I kind of read people's faces more than their words, you know. So for me it takes a sec to understand what's really being said. Because usually the eyes are more interesting to read. And they say something and I respond to what I think their eyes/mind is saying, or whatever, I just RESPOND, ok, it's what people are supposed to DO in a conversation, and I guess my dialogue is always quite on the offensive side, as opposed to defence. Or maybe both sides. And then immediately I see this fraction of a shift in their features, and I know I've said something wrong. Even though that was the last thing I wanted to do. On the contrary I was probably trying to be NICE; instead, my logic may have been too skewed for them to understand. Or maybe I wasn't being nice in actuality. Bottom line, I'm a nuisance to society. I should just go and move to Iceland. But I'd really REALLY hate that. I love my life. I love the people in my life. I wouldn't want any other, even though I may delude myself daily about how I'd like to live a different glamorous life each day. But that's also crap. I could never live a different glamorous life! Because I'm not that person! I'm not even A person. Sometimes I walk around, living my life and I don't feel real. I suppose when one is doing things one must feel connected to oneself and realize that one is actually performing said actions and is not just an amused bystander? Well, I hardly do. I live my life in autopilot. And I know no other way to live it. So I fantasize about jumping off cliffs into deep dark icy water because I know that if I really did do that I'd probably not feel real anyway. Things seem more real in my mind, oddly, than when I actually do them.

I don't know. I hate just drawing random conclusions about myself. I'm not all that easy to analyse, I tell myself. But I know that really I just want a simple, succinct and perfectly normal explanation for the way I am.

Hah. That sounded SO emo.

So I loved all your comments about my handbag. I totally am going to add all your suggestions, too, you guys are so practical! In fact, my aunt got me a new handbag from the US, so I guess I need to kit it out any day now.

Oh and I find eating pomegranates sexy because of the seeds. It takes quite a little dexterity to extract just the seeds and pop it into your mouth without splattering the pink juice all over yourself and when I manage to get it right, that very dexterity makes me feel sexy. Does that make sense? It doesn't. Lol. It's just a FRUIT. God. Don't you just love me?